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nasasiewow, I don't know where to begin, a lot has happened in my life, and I mean *a lot*, when was the last time I wrote here?
4 months?! it feels like over a year.
ok, well mother is still on dialysis. It is a long story. In around September/August last year she was again emitted to the hospital, this time because her legs where wonky, her legs had been wonky for such a long time but she wouldn't listen to me and gah.
Then, on that day, she called me. Her leg was going to be amputated.
However, she was going to go with me to the first day of my new school (and stay with me for a week) before it was done.
On the first day of the new school she came with me, I had decided to do norsk (Norwegian) and society-knowledge (Samfunnskunnskap) at the same year so I could get it over and done with™.
Norwegian for me is the same as "English" for you (or 'dutch' for lin, etc) so it's more boring than learning a new language, in the first years of it you learn how to read and write, but after that it gets tedious, you have to learn boring genres and history and gah.
That teacher I had was horrendous, she was the kind that goes strictly by the book and if a student asks her a question that requires in-dept knowledge she would pretty much ignore or pedant it away, she asked me to 'turn of internet' (ie not have a browser window open) when I tried to leave the computer on as the lecture went on.
On the second day I leaned they had messed up the schedule and I had missed out on one class, I soon corrected it, but my previous experiences with the teacher of doom still prevailed.
Samfunnskunnskap is history, geography and erh some social shit I dunno how to explain what is.
We had history first, I love history, it was my mothers fave subject as well, but this woman who led the class for grown up immigrants and retards (no really) managed to make one of my favourite subjects into the most hateful one, in but 3 weeks, but more about that later.
mom then had to go back to hospital.
I was left alone with my new teacher in this new "school" (it is a joint place with retards) and my assistant.
It worked badly. After some weeks it became apparent that it was not working and I was moved over to a singular room with my assistant teacher (luckily)
I didn't not know her very well at first, but now I have good and working relationship with her.
It took time tho.
(I wont go into it as its not really important in the long run and I don't remember the details anymore)
(she agreed with me and mom about the teacher though :]
I was very upset then, about my mothers leg, having an amputated leg is bad stuff. this is what I meant in the Week from Hell™ post when I said that she'd have problems with Christmas preparations, it had already started then.
I've gotten over it now, but then...
See, I've never lived alone before, back then 3 decades ago I was still a child. I am not a child any longer, I am an adult now, I had to grow up, fast these past few months, I don't feel sorry for myself, not any longer, I only had wished I'd had a longer time to and that I could have started sooner. well well. gjort er gjort og spist er spist ¹
The amputation was done just under the knee, and she should recover fine....
I had gotten the habit of going to her after school on Fridays, because that was when the samfunnskunnskap was and that were the hardest in the new order with the teacher I had.
Then this one day she was very ill, it really scared me, I didn't recognise her when in the bed, I.. forgive me, as I thought when I saw the person "there is some poor sick one with not much time left" I thought that, as I walked by.
That person was my mother, MY Mother! That strong Mayma, was reduced to this corpse resemblant sick body in the bed there, she was completely out of it, its hard to type this, even after all this time.
She wasn't there with me, even now she has no recollection of this visit.
She was deadly sick, if she hadn't amputated the leg over the knee then she would have died, because it was infected.
This time was very hard for me, not only because of this. At MusicBrainz things where not at all that well either.
People where arguing a lot this fall, all the time, and there where a lot of bad blood, it has gone down in collective our history, known as the Great Dispute.
This was when we (I say we, because we are MusicBrainz, its users, and moderators, we are the ones who make up its databases information, and its social database is filled with us humans) lost a lot of our users, and it felt as if the site which had become my home would end. Well it felt that way for me, I had no one, only goer my mother was there, and now this social interNET was not working either.
as in the old saying 'bad luck never travels alone'.
(or is it 'news'? I don't remember.)
Then she called me again some weeks later, I do not remember the date. I wish i did, it would give this structure; August just seemed to sort of drift into September, which drifted into October and before you knew it, Nowember was over and the dreaded month of December was there.
She started by saying my name, saying that I should not worry but she had more bad news, I automatically responded with "your other leg is amputated"
And I was right. She as no legs anymore
My mother only has stumps left. This append a long time ago, it feels like 5 years now.
The people at the social ² centre where as unhelpful as ever,we they where going to have this meeting with mother and the teacher, but they kept postponing it, because they didn't want to disturber mother (they had to have it at the hospital as she couldn't leave there), but as my mother put it, it wasn't as if she'd be getting any better soon ë_ë
I wasn't even supposed to be there, but I had left the school to visit mom, she said "it was karma!" snort-giggle.
They again nagged me about a "personal assistant", that I should have someone there for me and help me with these bills and the ordering, and junk and mother needs to move into a new apartment and.. things I really didn't want to talk and think about, it was.. a meeting, like hundreds I'd been too all my life.. which only drains you and never leads to anything productive.
Even still it is not over, I was sitting here alone with all the cats, four pieces. the cat-brothers are fine, Pixie is a little demanding.. but, it is Lucius that is a problem. he is completely wild, we got him as a kitten, but he still has not opened up to us. he is so very curious, but so very afraid, so very very afraid, he must be damaged in the head, like me?
Well, one of the cats has been pissing in our chairs for ages. you couldn't sit in them because there was piss there, mom cleaned the chairs, and we would just put bags full of junk/stuff in the chair when not sitting in it them, but I just ended up sitting on the puff or the floor as i couldn't be bothered to move it each and every time (mom would usually sit in her chair most of the days, so she did bother to).
Now we've caught all four cats at separate occasions, but Marcus probably does it to gain attention (he was mad that we where leaving them alone home) Yoshi probably did it because others had before, and Pixie is.. well just weird.
Both Marcus and Yoshi are fixed, so if the piss smells, it *has* to be Lucius.
When mom was here, she slept in the living room, on the sofa-bed, so at night the cats would still have someone there. but I sleep in my room, which I do close the door untill because I A) don't want any piss in there, and b) while Marcus is darling⁴, Pixie purrs so loud I cannot fall a sleep.
I also close the kitchen door, because they would sit on the crickety chairs which would make noises that woke me up/kept me awake.
With mom gone, it's been hard on the cats as well. Pixie screams, Yoshi begs for food and Marcus seems to have decided he completely owns me, they have been both a strength and a burden in all this.
It was mom who would feed and care for the cats, fix their cat-toilet and clean up catpuke.
I never noticed, but to me all this time they where just.. part of the scenery, to play or to be cuddled with occasionally.
but I don't resent my older self for this, I had a great youth with the cats and I loved them all, both living and gone very much. but I was still just a child.
Now, I do everything, cats, wash, the dishes, the clothes, the cooking, the mail, the shopping, the waking up and going to bed, everything, and.. I made mistakes...
I ran out of cat-food or kitty-litter, or milk...
but.. well.. I managed, supprisingly well, really.
I had a bag with me, for some reason I had gotten very attached to to his bag, it was a white mesh with colourful beads outside an ordinary plain cotton tote-bag. I had bought it while with mother on one of our last city-shopping tours together.. before her legs, and everything.
Well I found out he had have pissed on it. he had, that.. that! .. oh..
That bag could not be washed, the beads I discovered where not waterproof, not the slightest, and the colour of them leaked out onto the white fabric.
I know its just a bag, but it meant a lot to me, that bag was my favourite, it contained all the stuff I had to remember to get with me when I went out, that would otherwise forget⁵
and it was, on the table, behind some stuff, partly under a book, and he managed to jump on the table, sneak past the stuff, and piss ONTO IT. I know it really isn't, but it felt so very deliberate.
Then I just finally got enough and snapped out of it, I started cleaning up the mess. This apartment look like a pigsty, partly because none has taken care of it for years. Mom has been sick for such a long time, and I.. I was, again, just a child.
I still find spaces that Lucius (it stinks) has pissed. A long time ago, maybe even before she left. In the beginning I was so sickened by it, I felt as if I was up til my knees in filth and piss and puke and....
I was very.. upset while this, at times it seemed that.. live would halt, that things would not go on, that things would continue to spiral down and down and out of control until I couldn't take it anymore. That mom would die, and cats would piss everywhere, I would fail the class and not get anywhere, have an episode and be locked away for life like the good little retard/insane person I was.
She was going to die, I was sure of it... I am still not entierly.. sure, when she says that she's fine...
The days passed this way, some good, some, not so good, I had stopped having the class with that enormously annoying and incompetent (atleast to me) teacher, instead I had, and still have now, the solitudal classes with my assistant teacher, she has been a great help in all this. As our friendship have grown closer, I have learned about the Napoleon war, the first world war, the shot in Sarajevo, the second world war, the Russian revolution, thiiings! I likewise leaned about the Norwegian cultural history, the Baroque, the Renaissance, Romanticism, Wergland & Camilla Collett!
Finally the weather this autumn and winter has also been odd. It did not snow, not at all.
The temperature wouldn't drop below 5 degrees Celsius! just a few days before the 24th of December it was 10 degrees in plus, unheard of. I did purchase some Christmas presents, for mom, and for myself. I bought a Nintendo DS ³ with the PokéMon Mystery Dungeon blue red rescue team (and the GBA red rescue team as well) for myself, as well as some music and a Tamagotchi I have YET to open and use ;(
Things are better now
I had a cold this past week. and did I tell you? it did snow! just the same day that mom told me that she has finally gotten an apartment!
It was just recently, at (lol) Collettsgate because we.. I, live in the 5th etage of an old house from the turn of the previous century, so it does not, and can not, contain an elevator.
She cannot come back here again.⁶ and even if she could, she couldnt use the loo because her chair can't go in there, nor get into the kitchen or my room.
This is *my* house now. Economically it will be ever so much harder for me, so I wont pay for more lj time, partially because I don't use it as much, and partially because it's a luxury I don't need, (although I have done so with GoPets, but more about that later.)
No more using money thought, as my money (about 10 000 kr a month) will have to go to pay the house rent, the water, the heat and all that stuff I've never understood, forms! people to phone! all these things that are the hardest for me to do. but.. I dare to be positive, mother is well, she will help me.
And the people at the plzhelpmesentre actually got of their butts and sent over a guy to help me, I had the cold, I was alone sick for the first time in my life, and I was out of milk, catfood and firewood, I could of course do it myself, but well, I would get very sick again, because it was cold outside and the strain and the exhaustion I'd be putting on myself would worsen my illness. the man that came was very nice, helpful and friendly, I got of with good vibes and we've ordered it so that he can come here on Wednesdays if I so need it. thank you!
What is GoPets? it is an interactive game site, like Neopets. only, so so much better, if you want to join up you can use my referral link (hehehehehehehehehehe)
well. that is it. so much text, I am not even sure if it will all fit into one livejournal post!
I'm certain that I will remember 1001 things that should be in here once I press 'submit' but that is the way it always is.
I hope that if you read this that you are not overwhelmed and feel sorry for me. I had always intended to write this post, but I had to wait until I got over the worst bit, sorta for not to jinx it you know.
Don't bring me down by talking about how awful yesterday was, bring me up by hoping for a better tomorrow
¹ this is a Norwegian saying from the Norwegian translation of Winnie the Pooh, "Ole Brumm" it means roughly; done is done and eaten is eaten. I'm sure you can asses the intended meaning of it.
² and we can thank Lenin for that we even have it!, yes Lenin, that was good man, that was true communist! Stalin was a fascist! a fascist!as was Mao! and and an! <-- has just recently had about the Russian revolution in school, can you tell? ;)
³ it's PINK, yes, PINK, zomg and such.
⁴ both Marcus and Pixie would come into my room if I had the door open, Yoshi and Lucius, not so.. oddly enough.
I feel as if I've abandoned Yoshi a little, he used to be "mine" with Marcus being "moms"
⁵ Remember I have ADHD and Asbergers? ;)
⁶ ok well, she can, but it requires a machine called a 'trappeklatrer' (stair climber) its loud big and noisy, and it takes ages. and well...
4 months?! it feels like over a year.
ok, well mother is still on dialysis. It is a long story. In around September/August last year she was again emitted to the hospital, this time because her legs where wonky, her legs had been wonky for such a long time but she wouldn't listen to me and gah.
Then, on that day, she called me. Her leg was going to be amputated.
However, she was going to go with me to the first day of my new school (and stay with me for a week) before it was done.
On the first day of the new school she came with me, I had decided to do norsk (Norwegian) and society-knowledge (Samfunnskunnskap) at the same year so I could get it over and done with™.
Norwegian for me is the same as "English" for you (or 'dutch' for lin, etc) so it's more boring than learning a new language, in the first years of it you learn how to read and write, but after that it gets tedious, you have to learn boring genres and history and gah.
That teacher I had was horrendous, she was the kind that goes strictly by the book and if a student asks her a question that requires in-dept knowledge she would pretty much ignore or pedant it away, she asked me to 'turn of internet' (ie not have a browser window open) when I tried to leave the computer on as the lecture went on.
On the second day I leaned they had messed up the schedule and I had missed out on one class, I soon corrected it, but my previous experiences with the teacher of doom still prevailed.
Samfunnskunnskap is history, geography and erh some social shit I dunno how to explain what is.
We had history first, I love history, it was my mothers fave subject as well, but this woman who led the class for grown up immigrants and retards (no really) managed to make one of my favourite subjects into the most hateful one, in but 3 weeks, but more about that later.
mom then had to go back to hospital.
I was left alone with my new teacher in this new "school" (it is a joint place with retards) and my assistant.
It worked badly. After some weeks it became apparent that it was not working and I was moved over to a singular room with my assistant teacher (luckily)
I didn't not know her very well at first, but now I have good and working relationship with her.
It took time tho.
(I wont go into it as its not really important in the long run and I don't remember the details anymore)
(she agreed with me and mom about the teacher though :]
I was very upset then, about my mothers leg, having an amputated leg is bad stuff. this is what I meant in the Week from Hell™ post when I said that she'd have problems with Christmas preparations, it had already started then.
I've gotten over it now, but then...
See, I've never lived alone before, back then 3 decades ago I was still a child. I am not a child any longer, I am an adult now, I had to grow up, fast these past few months, I don't feel sorry for myself, not any longer, I only had wished I'd had a longer time to and that I could have started sooner. well well. gjort er gjort og spist er spist ¹
The amputation was done just under the knee, and she should recover fine....
I had gotten the habit of going to her after school on Fridays, because that was when the samfunnskunnskap was and that were the hardest in the new order with the teacher I had.
Then this one day she was very ill, it really scared me, I didn't recognise her when in the bed, I.. forgive me, as I thought when I saw the person "there is some poor sick one with not much time left" I thought that, as I walked by.
That person was my mother, MY Mother! That strong Mayma, was reduced to this corpse resemblant sick body in the bed there, she was completely out of it, its hard to type this, even after all this time.
She wasn't there with me, even now she has no recollection of this visit.
She was deadly sick, if she hadn't amputated the leg over the knee then she would have died, because it was infected.
This time was very hard for me, not only because of this. At MusicBrainz things where not at all that well either.
People where arguing a lot this fall, all the time, and there where a lot of bad blood, it has gone down in collective our history, known as the Great Dispute.
This was when we (I say we, because we are MusicBrainz, its users, and moderators, we are the ones who make up its databases information, and its social database is filled with us humans) lost a lot of our users, and it felt as if the site which had become my home would end. Well it felt that way for me, I had no one, only goer my mother was there, and now this social interNET was not working either.
as in the old saying 'bad luck never travels alone'.
(or is it 'news'? I don't remember.)
Then she called me again some weeks later, I do not remember the date. I wish i did, it would give this structure; August just seemed to sort of drift into September, which drifted into October and before you knew it, Nowember was over and the dreaded month of December was there.
She started by saying my name, saying that I should not worry but she had more bad news, I automatically responded with "your other leg is amputated"
And I was right. She as no legs anymore
My mother only has stumps left. This append a long time ago, it feels like 5 years now.
The people at the social ² centre where as unhelpful as ever,
I wasn't even supposed to be there, but I had left the school to visit mom, she said "it was karma!" snort-giggle.
They again nagged me about a "personal assistant", that I should have someone there for me and help me with these bills and the ordering, and junk and mother needs to move into a new apartment and.. things I really didn't want to talk and think about, it was.. a meeting, like hundreds I'd been too all my life.. which only drains you and never leads to anything productive.
Even still it is not over, I was sitting here alone with all the cats, four pieces. the cat-brothers are fine, Pixie is a little demanding.. but, it is Lucius that is a problem. he is completely wild, we got him as a kitten, but he still has not opened up to us. he is so very curious, but so very afraid, so very very afraid, he must be damaged in the head, like me?
Well, one of the cats has been pissing in our chairs for ages. you couldn't sit in them because there was piss there, mom cleaned the chairs, and we would just put bags full of junk/stuff in the chair when not sitting in it them, but I just ended up sitting on the puff or the floor as i couldn't be bothered to move it each and every time (mom would usually sit in her chair most of the days, so she did bother to).
Now we've caught all four cats at separate occasions, but Marcus probably does it to gain attention (he was mad that we where leaving them alone home) Yoshi probably did it because others had before, and Pixie is.. well just weird.
Both Marcus and Yoshi are fixed, so if the piss smells, it *has* to be Lucius.
When mom was here, she slept in the living room, on the sofa-bed, so at night the cats would still have someone there. but I sleep in my room, which I do close the door untill because I A) don't want any piss in there, and b) while Marcus is darling⁴, Pixie purrs so loud I cannot fall a sleep.
I also close the kitchen door, because they would sit on the crickety chairs which would make noises that woke me up/kept me awake.
With mom gone, it's been hard on the cats as well. Pixie screams, Yoshi begs for food and Marcus seems to have decided he completely owns me, they have been both a strength and a burden in all this.
It was mom who would feed and care for the cats, fix their cat-toilet and clean up catpuke.
I never noticed, but to me all this time they where just.. part of the scenery, to play or to be cuddled with occasionally.
but I don't resent my older self for this, I had a great youth with the cats and I loved them all, both living and gone very much. but I was still just a child.
Now, I do everything, cats, wash, the dishes, the clothes, the cooking, the mail, the shopping, the waking up and going to bed, everything, and.. I made mistakes...
I ran out of cat-food or kitty-litter, or milk...
but.. well.. I managed, supprisingly well, really.
I had a bag with me, for some reason I had gotten very attached to to his bag, it was a white mesh with colourful beads outside an ordinary plain cotton tote-bag. I had bought it while with mother on one of our last city-shopping tours together.. before her legs, and everything.
Well I found out he had have pissed on it. he had, that.. that! .. oh..
That bag could not be washed, the beads I discovered where not waterproof, not the slightest, and the colour of them leaked out onto the white fabric.
I know its just a bag, but it meant a lot to me, that bag was my favourite, it contained all the stuff I had to remember to get with me when I went out, that would otherwise forget⁵
and it was, on the table, behind some stuff, partly under a book, and he managed to jump on the table, sneak past the stuff, and piss ONTO IT. I know it really isn't, but it felt so very deliberate.
Then I just finally got enough and snapped out of it, I started cleaning up the mess. This apartment look like a pigsty, partly because none has taken care of it for years. Mom has been sick for such a long time, and I.. I was, again, just a child.
I still find spaces that Lucius (it stinks) has pissed. A long time ago, maybe even before she left. In the beginning I was so sickened by it, I felt as if I was up til my knees in filth and piss and puke and....
I was very.. upset while this, at times it seemed that.. live would halt, that things would not go on, that things would continue to spiral down and down and out of control until I couldn't take it anymore. That mom would die, and cats would piss everywhere, I would fail the class and not get anywhere, have an episode and be locked away for life like the good little retard/insane person I was.
She was going to die, I was sure of it... I am still not entierly.. sure, when she says that she's fine...
The days passed this way, some good, some, not so good, I had stopped having the class with that enormously annoying and incompetent (atleast to me) teacher, instead I had, and still have now, the solitudal classes with my assistant teacher, she has been a great help in all this. As our friendship have grown closer, I have learned about the Napoleon war, the first world war, the shot in Sarajevo, the second world war, the Russian revolution, thiiings! I likewise leaned about the Norwegian cultural history, the Baroque, the Renaissance, Romanticism, Wergland & Camilla Collett!
Finally the weather this autumn and winter has also been odd. It did not snow, not at all.
The temperature wouldn't drop below 5 degrees Celsius! just a few days before the 24th of December it was 10 degrees in plus, unheard of. I did purchase some Christmas presents, for mom, and for myself. I bought a Nintendo DS ³ with the PokéMon Mystery Dungeon blue red rescue team (and the GBA red rescue team as well) for myself, as well as some music and a Tamagotchi I have YET to open and use ;(
Things are better now
I had a cold this past week. and did I tell you? it did snow! just the same day that mom told me that she has finally gotten an apartment!
It was just recently, at (lol) Collettsgate because we.. I, live in the 5th etage of an old house from the turn of the previous century, so it does not, and can not, contain an elevator.
She cannot come back here again.⁶ and even if she could, she couldnt use the loo because her chair can't go in there, nor get into the kitchen or my room.
This is *my* house now. Economically it will be ever so much harder for me, so I wont pay for more lj time, partially because I don't use it as much, and partially because it's a luxury I don't need, (although I have done so with GoPets, but more about that later.)
No more using money thought, as my money (about 10 000 kr a month) will have to go to pay the house rent, the water, the heat and all that stuff I've never understood, forms! people to phone! all these things that are the hardest for me to do. but.. I dare to be positive, mother is well, she will help me.
And the people at the plzhelpmesentre actually got of their butts and sent over a guy to help me, I had the cold, I was alone sick for the first time in my life, and I was out of milk, catfood and firewood, I could of course do it myself, but well, I would get very sick again, because it was cold outside and the strain and the exhaustion I'd be putting on myself would worsen my illness. the man that came was very nice, helpful and friendly, I got of with good vibes and we've ordered it so that he can come here on Wednesdays if I so need it. thank you!
What is GoPets? it is an interactive game site, like Neopets. only, so so much better, if you want to join up you can use my referral link (hehehehehehehehehehe)
well. that is it. so much text, I am not even sure if it will all fit into one livejournal post!
I'm certain that I will remember 1001 things that should be in here once I press 'submit' but that is the way it always is.
I hope that if you read this that you are not overwhelmed and feel sorry for me. I had always intended to write this post, but I had to wait until I got over the worst bit, sorta for not to jinx it you know.
Don't bring me down by talking about how awful yesterday was, bring me up by hoping for a better tomorrow
¹ this is a Norwegian saying from the Norwegian translation of Winnie the Pooh, "Ole Brumm" it means roughly; done is done and eaten is eaten. I'm sure you can asses the intended meaning of it.
² and we can thank Lenin for that we even have it!, yes Lenin, that was good man, that was true communist! Stalin was a fascist! a fascist!as was Mao! and and an! <-- has just recently had about the Russian revolution in school, can you tell? ;)
³ it's PINK, yes, PINK, zomg and such.
⁴ both Marcus and Pixie would come into my room if I had the door open, Yoshi and Lucius, not so.. oddly enough.
I feel as if I've abandoned Yoshi a little, he used to be "mine" with Marcus being "moms"
⁵ Remember I have ADHD and Asbergers? ;)
⁶ ok well, she can, but it requires a machine called a 'trappeklatrer' (stair climber) its loud big and noisy, and it takes ages. and well...
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-01-28 07:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-29 01:20 pm (UTC)no but really, and I see from your lj nametho thingy that you are still into bees? good good.
good to have you comment.
no subject
Date: 2007-01-28 08:00 pm (UTC)Is your address still the same?
no subject
Date: 2007-01-29 12:22 pm (UTC)ok, thanks for your comments, catbell :D <3
I see you are on Neopets still, drop me a neomail will ya? I go there usually once a day, we could play geos or something :)
no subject
Date: 2007-01-29 01:35 pm (UTC)Geos would be cool, i will mail you next time i'm on there.
no subject
Date: 2007-01-28 08:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-29 01:24 pm (UTC)gratuitous iconlove comment: I love your avatar! what is it from?
no subject
Date: 2007-01-29 10:19 pm (UTC)Also, are you still on neopets, or have you completely left it for gopets?
no subject
Date: 2007-01-30 02:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-31 07:00 am (UTC)