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nasasieI don't expect anyone to asnwer in the next 20 minutes on this. and not with anything that could actually help me, (please no, I'm sdososrry for you :hug: type messages) but since I don't have any nonpixel-or-nontextual friends to call this lj will have to do, yes that is an insult, yes I am pushing people away when I want them to comfort me. I want someone to actually hold me, non of this cyberhugging crap
my mother's been on a pukeing bent again. but something's different, she can't even keep down water, I think.
I've been thinking about school, I can go there myself in the taxicab, especially since the Wedensdays have been cancelled and I'ma going tothe studentworkshop on T ursdays.
but just now, my mother said she feels so crook. she wants to go to the hospital.
do understand, my mother *never* takes any desease she has serious.. she must be feeling really really sick, she doesn't look good either, she.. she's underweight too, heh, yes my mother, my mother that I for 20 years don't remember as anything but round and rather fat, not a wobbly blubby type fat, there was more muscle there than meet the eye (and especially when she did these muscle training things some while back, 5 years now?)
her arms and legs are so skinny it looks bad.... it hurts to look at her, she's so ill she can't do anything with me anymore
I told her I'd could go alone but, I think she would have asked tomorrow if I would.
But I'm scared.. I think I'm going to be motherless soon.. which I mean is.. not good at all in anyway! why do i keep trying to look at any positive aspects of my mother dying?!
probably because all I else think about is how it would affect me, they'd not let me live alone these people, they'd put bussybody people in my home trying to act like surrogatemothers because I *need* it
fuck them.
you know what I said to my mother when she told me about the hospital? "I'm glad you're taking this seriusly"
fuck me. >_
my mother's been on a pukeing bent again. but something's different, she can't even keep down water, I think.
I've been thinking about school, I can go there myself in the taxicab, especially since the Wedensdays have been cancelled and I'ma going tothe studentworkshop on T ursdays.
but just now, my mother said she feels so crook. she wants to go to the hospital.
do understand, my mother *never* takes any desease she has serious.. she must be feeling really really sick, she doesn't look good either, she.. she's underweight too, heh, yes my mother, my mother that I for 20 years don't remember as anything but round and rather fat, not a wobbly blubby type fat, there was more muscle there than meet the eye (and especially when she did these muscle training things some while back, 5 years now?)
her arms and legs are so skinny it looks bad.... it hurts to look at her, she's so ill she can't do anything with me anymore
I told her I'd could go alone but, I think she would have asked tomorrow if I would.
But I'm scared.. I think I'm going to be motherless soon.. which I mean is.. not good at all in anyway! why do i keep trying to look at any positive aspects of my mother dying?!
probably because all I else think about is how it would affect me, they'd not let me live alone these people, they'd put bussybody people in my home trying to act like surrogatemothers because I *need* it
fuck them.
you know what I said to my mother when she told me about the hospital? "I'm glad you're taking this seriusly"
fuck me. >_
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no subject
Date: 2005-09-25 01:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-25 06:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-25 07:10 pm (UTC)I wish I were closer so I could give you a real hug. :/